


the world was built with interchangeable parts

by majesdane



Category: Skins (UK) RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-03-18
Updated: 2009-03-18
Packaged: 2017-12-06 14:12:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/736570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/majesdane/pseuds/majesdane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>There's a certain novelty in seeing Kathryn again; she can't quite put her finger on it.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	the world was built with interchangeable parts

love is like velocity we feel the speeding up  
and the slowing down otherwise not at all  
\-- 'lines for painting on grains of rice,' craig arnold

 

She remembers Kat from two, three years ago, when they took acting classes together, when they were in a community play together. She remembers the way Kat captivated the audience and the other cast members, with her eager smiles and outgoing personality. She remembers sitting off to the side, trying to memorize her lines, while Kathryn stood leaning against the opposite wall, allowing herself to be chatted up by some boys (ensemble members, no less, they weren't even close to being in her league, Lily thought), all her lines already memorized and perfectly performed.

Lily wonders if Kathryn remembers her.

There's a moment, when, during auditions, they pass each other in the hallways and their eyes meet. Kat, with her warm brown eyes and her too-bright pink hair, matches Lily's nervous, polite smile with an easy grin. Lily remembers her, feels her heart leap to her throat (there's a certain novelty in seeing Kathryn again; she can't quite put her finger on it).

Later, Lily's outside, leaning against the cool cement wall, trying to get her lighter to work (she doesn't even really feel like a smoke, but it's become a sort of thing to just _do_ ), when Kathryn walks by her again, oblivious. Lily looks up at the sharp click of heels on pavement, sees Kathryn and another dark haired girl walking side by side, thinks, _oh, right, twins_ , and wonders how she forgot in the first place.

 

;;

 

At the welcome dinner for everyone in the new cast, Lily sits at the table with her parents, stealing glances across the room, looking over at the table where Kathryn and her sister -- Megan, right, she remembers -- are sitting with their parents. She thinks maybe she should get up, go over there and say something, but she's worried that it'll be too forward, too awkward. And then she thinks that she's being stupid, because it's not like they're complete strangers.

(Except, they are though, sorta, since Lily can't remember if she and Kat ever exchanged more than three sentences between themselves, and also, she's never even met Megan.)

But it's Kat that comes up to her, the one to break the ice first -- _of course_ , Lily thinks -- when she slides into the empty seat beside Lily and Megan follows suit. Kat's pink hair is gone now, replaced by a shade of red that Lily's not familiar with, but it matches with her sister's. It's cut differently too, Lily notices, shorter and with a messy, slanted bang cut.

It takes her a moment to realize the twins have symmetrical haircuts. (She thinks Kathryn wears it better, though, even if it does look odd to see her hair looking all neat and styled.)

"Hey," Kathryn says, grinning, and it comes out so easily, so smoothly, "I don't know if you remember me, but we went to drama school together a few years back. I'm Kathryn -- Kat," she says, and extends her hand.

Lily wants to say, _I've remembered everything about you, actually_ , but she doesn't, because she knows how it would sound. "Lily," she says, instead, because she doesn't think the twins actually know her name, "I'm Lily. Lily Loveless."

"Brilliant name," Kat remarks cheerfully, still smiling.

"I'm Megan," Kat's sister leans over, introducing herself and shaking Lily's hand as well.

"How do you do," Lily says, and Meg flashes her a smile that's completely different from her sister's, but still manages to make Lily's heart skip a beat.

 

;;

 

Lily's known for months now that there was going to come a time when she'd have to kiss a girl. It was part of the whole audition process actually, with the directors asking her if she'd be okay with it. Of course she didn't have a problem with it -- it was only acting, firstly, and second, she'd snogged a few girls when she was drunk anyway -- but now it was beginning to worry her.

It's not so much that she has to kiss a girl, it's more of the fact that she has to kiss _Kat_.

She thinks about it the night before rehearsals, about how she and Kat and the director are going to meet together at the studio the next morning, to practice her and Kathryn's first on screen kiss. She wonders what it's going to be like, to snog Kat, if her bubblegum pink lips are really as soft as they look. She thinks about them getting into the scene, about Kat's tongue brushing against hers --

\-- She really shouldn't be thinking about this so much, she tells herself. It isn't . . . well, she's not sure what it _isn't_ , she just knows what it _is_ , and that she's over-analyzing. It's just going to be a kiss. It won't be her and Kathryn kissing; it'll be Emily and Naomi. In her head, it almost sort of makes sense, even if it doesn't really reassure her all that much.

(Her heart's still racing, thinking about it.)

 

;;

 

"Is my sister a good kisser?" Meg asks one day, when they're standing around waiting for Kathryn to be finished with make-up so that they can shoot their scenes together.

Lily flushes."Yeah, she's alright."

 

;;

 

When they go out clubbing, Kathryn's always the first to get wasted.

"You don't drink much, do you?" Lily shouts in Megan's ear, as the two of them huddle together at a table in the corner of the club, both of them with their eyes on Kat, out on the middle of the dance floor, sandwiched between a guy and a girl, lychee martini in her hand. The usual.

"Kat does enough for both of us," Megan shouts back, and Lily shivers, Meg's breath hot on her ear. "Besides, I'm a bit of a lightweight anyway." She digs around in her pocketbook, pulls out a half-empty box of cigarettes, brandishes it at Lily. "I'm going out for a smoke. You want to come with?"

Lily nods.

They slide out and away from the table, leaving their drinks un-finished. (It doesn't matter, they can always order new ones anyway.) Lily looks back over at Kathryn, who catches her eye. Lily jerks her head towards the door, puts her fingers to her lips and feigns smoking; Kat nods, grins, winks, downs the rest of her drink. She's got a guy behind her now, hands on her waist, and she's obviously too preoccupied with that to come join them outside. (Lily feels the slightest tinge of jealousy, like her stomach's twisting into knots, and then she thinks, Kat doesn't smoke anyway.)

Outside, Megan offers her a fag and a light.

Standing in the light of the neon signs and streetlamps, pale gold, her lungs burning with smoke, end of her cigarette smoldering bright yellowish-orange in the semi-darkness, Lily thinks that Meg and Kat aren't really alike at all. Meg's got her bangs brushed to the side, hair curled at the ends, darker than Kathryn's, which is still Emily-red, her bangs pulled back, up.

And Megan moves in ways that are different from Kat's, Lily thinks, and has to keep herself from staring as Megan takes a long drag of her cigarette, leans back and sighs, eyes closed, blowing the smoke out into the cold winter air.

"You look flushed," Megan comments, glancing over.

Lily doesn't say anything, just finishes her smoke, heads back inside.

 

;;

 

Kathryn pushes her up against the wall of their dressing room, kisses Lily so forcefully that Lily thinks her lips will be bruised. Her arms slide around Kat's waist, draw her in closer. Snogging Kathryn is not quite the same as snogging Emily, Lily thinks, absurdly. And then she thinks about Megan, and the two of them standing outside the club two nights ago.

"I didn't fuck things up, did I?" Kat asks, out of breath, looking perhaps more vulnerable than Lily's ever seen her before (it makes her heart hurt, really). "I mean . . . We both want this, don't we?"

"Don't we?" Lily echoes, a bit dazed, and Kathryn frowns and looks unhappy, so Lily just kisses her, because it's the only thing she can think of to do.

She just hopes it's the _right_ thing.


End file.
